I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize