I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
