I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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