Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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