i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
pray to the hookup gods
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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