I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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