I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
