"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
