My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
