I'm so fucking centered right now
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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