My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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