i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
