i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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