I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize