my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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