This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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