In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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