This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
