woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
