i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think i got beer on your cat.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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