i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
