I just gift wrapped bread.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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