Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
