I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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