Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
