dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
