Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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