You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
