So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
