Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
