Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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