to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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