I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk is not a location!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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