I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
