just come out here and I will go home with you...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
