I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
