i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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