she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
