Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
