i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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