My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
