I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
