Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
