There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
