I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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