No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
