He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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