pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
