Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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