So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
