I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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