I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
