Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
