Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
