GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
