Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
