I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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