3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
