Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
