Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
