Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
