your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
