I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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