I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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