Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
