I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
