So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My liver is preforming stress tests.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
