i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
