Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
