just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
