Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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