I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
