I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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