Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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