Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
